I do feel that American women are lacking in a sense of "we're all in this together" bonding. This culture conditions us as competitors - we compete for grades, for guys, for jobs and especially for approval within the context of a society that clearly favors males.

None of the standard rituals ever made me feel part of a group. I have been in Women's rituals that were wonderful, but as far as clubs, gangs, etc. i avoided them all. There's an unhealthy emphasis on excluding others that I never wanted as a part of my life. They don't bring women together - they keep others out.

I think we do need support as a gender. It disturbs me that being female in America is treated as an inconvenience. Rather than honoring our cycles, we are told that our periods are messy, embarrassing, unpleasant. We're taught to fear our natural scents, which, ironically, are biologically designed to attract. We measure and judge evry aspect of our physical being, usually finding fault.

Being a woman is powerful in a very tangible way. The rhythms of the Earth and the Moon are echoed in the cycles of our bodies. Our lives include risks and responsibilities that never ( or rarely) touch men - the pain and risk of childbirth; rape; domestic violence; the struggle of preventing pregnancy, or dealing with abortions and/or adoption; second-class status resulting in lower pay, fewer opportunities and dismissal of our needs and goals. Except in rare cases, the single parent is a woman.

I know very few women with good self-images. Very few truly enjoy sex. Very few are comfortable with their bodies. Most of the women I know have some form of sexual trauma. Most have been treated very badly by men who were supposed to care about them. I've been in a room full of poor women who had had abortions performed with only local anesthetic, and no one there to comfort them. I've known bright, beautiful women who couldn't pay the rent without dancing in clubs or working in brothels. I've seen sick women do low-paying, back-breaking jobs to try and survive.

If we "had each other's backs" we'd be safer. We'd have more political power. We could use our money and our votes more effectively. We could make our priorities the priorities of the society.

Remember this scene from The West Wing:

C.J.
What the hell does that mean, "I love it when the women get involved?"

BRUNO
I'm not talking about Abbey and Janet Ritchie. I'm talking about the women, the voters continuing
their unbroken streak. The biggest nonsense issue in the campaign will belong to the women. Does
Abbey Bartlet love her children? Next week, Grandpa: friend or foe?

C.J.
This is not a woman's issue. This is dumb woman's issue.

BRUNO
I think anybody who's got a five-point majority and still doesn't control the agenda, might be
spending a little to much time reading about how to get a man to get over his fear of commitment.

C.J.
Remind me to mention that to the population of South Africa.

BRUNO
You know what? In the scheme of things? It took them about five minutes.

***************

The reason we don't control the agenda is the fact that we compete with each other rather than cooperate. We allow ourselves to be marginalized and dismissed. The Patriarchy is not going to help us bond with each other; it is never going to support our strength, honor our rituals, give us a hand up. Fortunately, as women living in a supposedly democratic society, we don't need their help. We just have to like each other enough to work together. We need to create and support true women's rituals that bring us together and foster acceptance.

Sisterhood needs to be a reality. Right now, it's a scary feminist buzzword for too many American women. There's strength in numbers and we HAVE numbers. It isn't about hating men. It's about loving ourselves. It's about being whole women, loving that and using our spirit and talent and innate sense of caring to create new and better ways to function as a society.

What Morgaine Swann said.

I recently completed (triumphantly) a six-year out-of-class labor dispute. Two of the supervisors involved are both non-feminist women about my age. We live very much in different worlds. They tend to run in terms of passive, behind-the-back aggression, and have accused me of selfishness and egotism (i.e. social & emotional appeals instead of just analyzing the job & duties) when I've tried to be appropriately classified and paid. When the male boss moved in, the matter was settled within six months. (I was also assisted greatly by a female superior who heads up committees I'm also on. I don't know her politics, but she's also in a non-traditional occupation, and is extremely supportive of everybody as far as I can see.) It seems, at least as my local environment is concerned, that the more a woman is (or feels?) trapped by the traditional constraints (i.e. Never say anything directly or with too much confidence. Women must work for other people's welfare, and never money or advancement.), the more she tends to try to extend those constraints on to other women.

I think Morgaine hit a lot of nails on the head, especially with her last paragraph. From my experience, women tend to be more competitive with each other than supportive. It's like a "comedy" skit I saw once where there was a group of girls in the club and they were all kissyface and gooing over each other, but then when they separated and went to the bathroom, they spent all their time in front of the mirror cutting their missing friends down.

I think if we use our collective strengths and sheer number instead of trying to compete with each other for the attention of the status quo, we could really affect a positive change for women. But as long as we continue to play the game set out for us, we will never gain anything but distrust and apathy.

over here (paraphrase: women are bitches all over the world. especially older ones)

In a way I really agree with "the Absent Student" in that the older generation really does seem to be less sisterly than the younger one. However I think it's probably got a lot to do with gender socialization during their lifetimes vs how people are being socialized now. While girls are still supposed to be "girls" and "boys will be boys" things are slowly getting better. I think sisterly attitude really has a lot to do with where you are in life, in areas where people are comfortable and there isn't much competition people seem more willing to help out. Whereas in high conflict areas girls need to turn each other into the Man just to survive. This is based on my own experience with my sister who is/was heavily involved in the drug culture. The girls she is friends with are horrid to her, everything from beating her up over "stealing their man" to slashing her tires. In that culture girl are taught to "need men" both for protection and drugs. While this isn't accurate the perception of it being accurate is evidenced through the ways girls treat each other. Maybe women hating other women is just part of the overall societal problem of women being oppressed. If you're part of an opressed group that the power elite doesn't want to get ahead, it's hard to succeed without stepping on the backs of your sisters. I blame Victoria's Secret ^_^ lol

This is an interesting question, because there are many ways to answer it. I never went through a specific initiation into womanhood; however, I have belonged to groups that seemed to act as a rite of passage or support system into womanhood.

Read rest of response on my blog.

this should go on the msg board, but no one ever seems to read it.
does anyone else find it strange that someone leaves a subtly threatening comment, with a link to a penis enlargement website?

I agree Megan, that needs to be deleted. I think it's just immature acting out, like people who leave porno magazines in the Women's Studies and/or Gay sections of the bookstore.

It's not actually trolling - it's a new form of spam. The IP address of the poster has been banned from the site and the abuse has been reported to that person's ISP. Sorry - I usually catch these instantly!

In time !!!!!