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Life and motherhood

January 25, 2004 08:58 AM posted by alison : track it (0)

We've discussed motherhood in the past I realize, but hopefully this is a different spin on it all. I have to say that at 25 weeks pregnant, this topic is close to my heart.

I overheard someone saying once that her life had begun. She was around 23, so I wondered with what she was going to continue. She stated to her friend that she was finally a mother and a wife, so life had begun. This comment stays with me as I read and hear other comments on motherhood. The Macdonalds commercial, for one, with it's pitch to mothers and lines "Just cause I'm a mommy, doesn't mean that it's all done", peaks my ears each time I hear it.

I contrast these two comments - life beginning and life not being over to readings that I have done on womyn and work and womyn and motherhood. In Oriensteins 'Flux' for example, there is disucussion on how hard it is to be a mother and be considered as serious a worker as a male - even if the male has children. In the Winter 2004 issue of 'Bitch', Lisa Jervis write a critique of an article from October entitled 'The Opt-Out Revolution', where Lisa Belkin discussed "why smart, highly educated formerly ambitious women have kids and then stampede out of the workplace in droves". According to the critique, Belkin seemed to feel the question and answer were "Why don't women run the world? Maybe it's because they don't want to", while Jervis and some of her interviewees felt that women weren't opting out of work, but instead of the traditional definition of what the work force is. Recently in 'Sex and the City' (I get the canadian feed), Miranda was called to task for not doing her job since the birth of her son. At the end of the show, she says she has to switch to a shorter work week to be able to balance her life as mother and as lawyer - 50 hours a week, 55 tops. In some fiction and nonfiction I have read, the comment is made that in new mother groups, the participants know each other as fellow mothers and not the stockbrokers, lawyers, teacher, bankers, etc that they once were. Their identity changed from being a person with a job to being a mother.

These two different extremes make me wonder about what motherhood does to a person, but also to society. Thus my questions: What are the expectations of a mother? What version is correct - is life beginning or is indivudality ending? As a feminist, what do you feel should be the role of the mother in society - wearer of more than one hat, or mother first, person second?

Enjoy, tangent and comment as much as you want.

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Posted

While feminism is about equality and choice, I think it is also vital for women to have a sense of self. When one is living for others, I think their own identity is diminished and obscured. In order for someone to be a truly good mom, I think she needs to value herself first and foremost.

Posted by: Kerri on January 25, 2004 01:49 PM |

response here.

Posted by: lenée on January 26, 2004 01:04 PM |

I'll never be a mom, but I have a son and daughter. Alison, parenting isn't a diminishing of self in any way. If anything, it is a focusing of self. You become more organized, more in touch with the parts of yourself that you wish to pass on to your child and consiously tune your goals and ideals so that they can be passed on. It's not enough to talk-the-talk anymore. You gotta walk-the-walk now. Everything increases. Your love, your responsability, your involvement in family. Motherhood/Fatherhood places demands upon you, but it also gives rewards which can not be gained in any other way. My response is here, and I go into it in more detail there.

Posted by: Subversity on January 26, 2004 05:15 PM |

response is here.

Posted by: megan on January 26, 2004 10:09 PM |

My response may read like an angry diatribe, but I hope I have succeeded, by drawing primarily from personal experience, in arriving at an intelligent critique of the possible personal harms of motherhood. Somewhere between responsibility and self-sacrifice lies a healthy approach to the role, but life neither begins or ends at the moment a woman gives birth, and a mother must always hold tight to her sense of self.

Anyway, my long consideration can be found here.

Posted by: Lauren on January 28, 2004 02:08 AM |

it's a little off topic, but oh well. go here if you want to read it.

Posted by: amy on January 28, 2004 06:41 AM |

Mine. I can see where people are coming from when they talk about life beginning with or being all about childrearing, but I think you're a better childrearer if you also have a foot firmly in the grownup world. And no, that does not mean you need to work outside your home.

Posted by: april on January 28, 2004 05:10 PM |

Mine is finally up here and of course doesn't say nearly what I wanted to.

Posted by: Vic... on January 29, 2004 02:26 PM |

It's up.

Posted by: Tam on January 29, 2004 08:21 PM |

Longer than usual, and up.

Posted by: Alex on January 30, 2004 05:29 AM |