I posted this privately to my LJ yesterday:


This "No Pity. No Shame. No Silence." thing. About abuse. It's bothering me.


I think it is getty far away from misia's intent, in her post about being a sexual abuse survivor.


I've been watching this unfold all day. Feeling like the walls are closing in. Had to take one person off my friends list because their post was not work-safe. The idea was supposed to be about solidarity. About saying "me too" so that others hear it and feel...less alone.


What I feel is triggered. Massively. I am a sexual abuse survivor times three. And every time I read something that reminds me of my experiences, yes, I think to myself "yes, it was exactly like that." And part of me feels like, oh my God, someone else feels that way too, it's not just me. But part of me feels desperate, despairing, like the sky should be falling, because someone else feels that. That it's not just me. That there are so many of us.


It's not affirming. It's horrifying. And it makes me feel sick. And it has made this entire day feel like a never-ending nightmare of memories of abuse.

The thing is, coming out and talking about this can be a wonderful, affirming thing. But not for all of us, not all the time. Not when we haven't consciously chosen to read something triggering (as when people post without using LJ-cut tags).

I've been trying to think about how to turn this into an opportunity for activism; I'm reminded of an idea years ago for starting a virtual "Clothesline Project," using the color-coded t-shirts as an angle for people to tell their stories/show their solidarity/maybe support anti-violence organizations. Hmm.

As the previous commenter noted, it's important for people to tell their stories, but it's also important for survivors to be able to protect themselves. I (hate that such a thing is even possible, but) love that there was such a spontaneous outpouring of stories and messages, but think perhaps that something more organized might be safer for individuals.

Still thinking about it. Hmm.

Most of my LJ friends put the details of their stories behind cuts, and I can totally see how not doing that could really trigger some folk. Some of the stories are just - whoa. Warnings about what you're going to read are never a bad idea.

For those who don't want to talk about it, though, I think a more organized approach might border on exclusionary. I don't know.

I'm thankful that I was able to skip the posts that may have triggered me. I think it's a very good idea for anyone writing about an abuse situation to give a warning before diving into it. It's a way that we can help protect each other.

I can understand the comment that seeing all these names, all these people who have been hurt in the same way is incredibly overwhelming. In two ways. It makes me realize how many people are hurt and makes me think of how many people exist who do the hurting. But then I think of how many people are healing enough to talk about it, to simply say "Me Too, but don't feel sorry for me". That means to me that people are healing, that people are taking back their power, that they're recovering and becoming survivors instead of victims and hopefully they'll become thrivers who are able to help others and maybe even prevent more attacks.

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